that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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