you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
