I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
two words...techno handjob
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
you had me at cake vodka
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
