If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
