theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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