So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
