i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize