new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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