I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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