We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
