I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
