If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
