nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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