i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i will never coherently bang her
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
