His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
