"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize