i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
