Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
