i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
