Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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