Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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