I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize