Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
