Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm determined to sit on that face.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
