so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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