so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
