I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
