Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
