yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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