you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
