dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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