If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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