you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
