I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
