she was so not down for the gang bang
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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