Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
