It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize