Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
being pregnant is like rehab
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
