the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
