oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
As shirtless as possible
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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