just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
