I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
