Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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