talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Holy sore nipples Batman
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My life is pants optional.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
