he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
