I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
