Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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