Just fell off a train. Bad.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
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