Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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