:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
