The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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