in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
