I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
