i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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