It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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