ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
