Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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