Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
