i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
