I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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