rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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