Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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