My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
