you guys were way drunker than both of me
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
