I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
