Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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