I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
