I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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