take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
