Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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