Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
