the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Bring me that man meat
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
