I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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