No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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