I am puke
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
