The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
