And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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