If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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