I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
