2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
