So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
