i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Text me some of your sweat
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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