Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize