If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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