worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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