Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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