Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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