God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Randomize
