please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize