I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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