You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
