So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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