She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
