I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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