is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
