I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I need water and some morals
Randomize