I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
