Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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