JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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