If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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