I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
