I want her autograph on my taint
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
