last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize