She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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