There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
