just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize