No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
